She heard voices outside but could not see a door, she figured it must be behind her. What is going on! Her mind screamed at her to remember but nothing came. She thought she heard a man and maybe a young woman talking about a science project. She hated being tied and she struggled even more. Finally she screamed and thrashed against her bed, someone had better come or so help her, she thought. She felt a prik on her back realizing to late someone had come into the room. “Wha- What is goin-” she couldnt finish the statement before her mind froze again and the darkness of her mind consume her once more.
Colors seemed to blurr around her faces that she did not know passed quickly. She didnt know what was going on the world seemed a haze infront of her, like pictures in a slide show. In her mind she was supposed to know these faces, these places but they all seemed lost to her. She sighed to herself her head pounding trying to think trying to remember. Tears started down her pale cheeks once more. What is going on, she cried. She couldnt handle it, her body ached all over as she felt more and more distant from who she was. She didnt know what to do about this, she couldnt figure it out. This was a sick game, she thought. Slowly she fell asleep the pictures finally stopping.
The vastness ahead seemed unending as the darkness grew neearer. She had no time at all she had to run, but as the darkness enclosed her she had no were to run to. Quietly she lay waiting for any sign any escape. Then the light, the small faint light, shown itself to her. So far in the distance it seemed, like a needle piercing through the fabric of darkness. It was her only way out, slowly she stood wobbling from side to side not knowing were she was heading. She started at a walk then a slight jog slowly moving into a run then full out sprint, but no closer did she feel to the small light. She felt the despair as she finally stopped her chest heaving up and down with quick concession. She screamed, a horrible sound, a sound mixed with fear and hatred a sound of ultimate defeat. Tears, heated with hate, streamed down her face. Why was she here? Who was she? She herself couldnt even answer the many questions that rattled her. Kill me, she thoguht so many times, for it would be so much better. Her hands clenched, her eyes shut tight. Another scream rose from her and then suddenly the dark disappeared. Her body was stiff, a fine coat of sweat beaded a long her barely dressed skin. Suddenly she realized she was tied. “Whats going on!” she finally screamed into the room, though no reply came back. She pulled at the restraints, then shook her head. She didnt understand what was going on, why she was here, or even who she was. She was tied to a bed, the darkness replaced with a single light hanging from the ceiling. That one little light is what brought her back, for one reason or another and she would figure it out.
Sunny and warm, was the spring day to which I woke. The house was warm but comfortable I stretched out in my bed the blankets moving around me as I slid away from the tangled sheets. The second my feet hit the floor I heard the mews of the kittens in my other room. A smile hit my face remembering my new fosters that had been brought by late last night. Quickly I moved to the kitchen and started the bottles.
Checking the temperature of the bottle with as much care as a new mother I hurriedly went to the room. The kittens sprawled the room one after the other coming out to great me. It’s a great feeling to know you are saving a life. I was 6 on the day I learned a lesson I would never soon forget.
Sitting on the floor I stared at the kittens petting and giving attention to each one with a smile before I realized I was missing on. I called to the kittens to come, usually they do, this time was different. I stood the kittens chasing at my heels mewing for I hadn’t yet fed them. My eyes rushed over the room, looking for the kitten that I had lost. Calling out I left the room thinking he possible got out as I came in.
I called and called my heart racing unsure of what I was doing my parents at work my sister asleep I sunk down were could he have been. Then I remember I still had five more hungry kittens to feed. I slink back to the kittens’ room and look around once more, I saw three of the kittens in the small bed in the far corner of the room, and they lay around surrounding the kitten I thought I had lost.
I moved quickly to the kitten happy to know he was not lost before I finally realized what it was that had happened. The other kittens moved happy to know I was in the room once more, the other kitten did not move. Tears hit my eyes, I sat there the kitten not making a sound. After a long while I moved grabbing the phone and calling my mom; my mom coming home gave a sorrowful look to me and hugged me. This was my first encounter with death, my first realization to what as a child I didn’t want to believe.
I learned a lesson of a life time that day, I learned about the balance that made the world go round. Life and death will surround us as we grow and as we learn. Life and death as clear as the paper is white and the ink is black.
So my new school, since moving, well there isnt much good i can say about this place. They accomadate for stupidity, and i dont understand it. People around here are very used to getting there way or having people jump up and down to get something done for them. Whether it be a make up course because you could not achieve a passing grade the first time or even the second they make you take a computer course to pass. They say “Well we have the best passing and graduating percentages” Well duh, you make it impossible to do anything else. If i were to fail one semester here, they would work to make me pass the second so that way i would pass. It makes no sence to create this enviorment within a school. Im confused with it, how does it help young adults to understand that not everything is arranged for them. In work either you get it right or youre fired, its not “O you tried go ahead and fail again ill make up something and cover it” Bull shit. Im tired of being held back by people who are ignorent and just dont care enough to make themselves better. A pass fail prgram would be more efficient because either the students would step up or they would fail and in thier failure would hopefully figure it out. The united states keeps accomadtaing for this i dont want to see were things will be in 20, 30. 50, or 100 years after im gone.
Why is it, in America Land of the Free, im being made afraid of what i post on the internet. A world wide communication network of people. We express ourselves, new things and ideas. We speak out against the wrongness or at least speak our opinions, so now the government of the United States wants to take our rights away? I ask one simple question, if they believe they can sensor us on the internet whos to say they wont start to change our rights, and say we cant do something in normal everyday life. The bill being proposed is a piece of shit end of story, its against our constitutional rights and has no reason to be implemented, just because some business wants more money.
I heavnt really bothered writing on here in a while, i just havnt really been writing in general. So much going on i really dont know how to feel about it. Divorce, forclosure, moving and the list goes on. I thought i had someone to care and love me through it but that turned out to be a bust. Though for all the hurt i feel and the wanting to hate him my heart would never allow it. My lifes been off and more off as the days go by. When i get home i will be alone, with only my htoughts to sit with me. I have a lot resting on me and i dont know exactly how to handle it all. once im home i have to pack, i have to do cleaning i have to prepare. While my moms off working or doing things to hopefully make ourlives better. I just feel i cant handle it. I feel so lost, i dont have anyone to anchor me here anymore. i dont have anyone to love or feel will stay beside me anymore. Why should i try and trust another person when i know they will leave in the end. Life has nor been very well to me the past few years. My parents were arguing more and more, 2 of my best friends died, for stupid reasons, and the only person i had was my boyfriend, but he left to. It hurts to think you wasted so much time building something for it to end. My heart aches for the loss of something i knew never was or could be, yes the comfort of knowing someone was there was all i wanted. Now i dont even have that. I hurt inside and out, i just wish ih ad the clearity to not feel so lost and move forward with it all.
carry me away upon the wings of angels. hold me together with your arms so gentle. nothing more are dreams made of then to have you here with me. i lay so silently my head hidden beneath the darkness i see. we think so openly yet within our minds we stay dark. light so close to our reach when things go so far down, but yet we hold our selves in that darkness withinout minds. we ourselves are the only one to blame, maybe those we call crazy are the only ones who truly see the truth within our lives and our world. think like the others dont see how we should look beyond your life into some one else’s think about things happening think not if but when. listen to your heart race over something happy think about your mind racing to figure something out. think of the simplicities of life.
Staring at the opens fields she sighed a breath of relief. Alone at last she thought looking past the hills full of the flowers she only saw in her dreams. To finally reach this place so familiar yet distant to her. She smiled sitting on the top of the highest hill looking down. She looked down the hill to see the people sitting on a sheet having a pick-nick. This she had seen a million times before this one seen always in her mind. She smiled at the thought of having that family setting she saw before her, though she knew this place she was at now those people before her the flowers she dreamed of were all just a mirage, all fake, within her mind.
Her eyes opened with a flash and she lay once again on the metal table. “What now?” she asked. The year now was 4011, all people wore masks their bodies hidden beneath the protective suits. She sighed softly thinking back to her thoughts. No one knew why but she was the one who knew it all. The days before the endings of earth. She knew what it was like back before the atmosphere crashed in on itself. The earth as we knew it was no more then craters mixed within out universe. People have adapted to the so called life but she felt the pain of it so real to see what it could have been.
She pulled away from the different scientists as they muttered looking of papaers apong papers of different data. She sighed and walked out of the room her sute covering her head to toe supplying the life giving oxygen. She walked down a few halls and into a room, there in the small room lay a small boy, she smiled through the glass dome that covered her head. He smiled back, but no need for a suit. He was one of the “aliens” we called them, human in every way except one. Through the years since the destruction it effected people some became able to breath without the suit she had to wear. They were the knew generation. They are trying to find out how we could harness that, and create a new atmosphere.
“Have you any food?” the boy asked softly her eyes piercing blue never leaving her face. She nodded to him and smiled pulling a sandwich from the pocket on her suit. “For you” she said holding it out. “I must go now” she said and started out of the room the door closing behind her and then the click of the locks echoed through the halls. “We treat them like prisoners, they will be the ones to protect human life” she whispered thinking to herself.
The days muddled together with dragging agony. Every day she was tested put into the fake sleep and every day the hills and the pick-nick came to her sights. She walked through the streets and looked at the fairy, an old ship made able to float from the different isles that were Earth. She walked onto one going to the eastern sides of Earth. Moments later getting off on a small piece of rock floating through the endless atmosphere. She sighed and walked to the only house on it, hers she walked in and the cameras locked onto her and she stared at them with great distaste.
No gravity left things thrown around without a car. She pressed a button on the wall and everything fell to the floor with a thud and crash. Her feet hit and gravity lay heavy on her should. She looked at the screen to the left of the button a bar slowly going from red to orange and finally green. She unzipped the suit with a hiss as it slid off. She felt sorry for the many who didn’t have the luxuries she did.
Walking away from the living room and back to the bathroom. She stepped into a silver tub as she threw the pales of water over her. Hot yet quickly getting cold as she shivered under it. As soon as her makeshift bath started it was over. Putting on a thermal outfit she walked back to her living room, pulling a small book off the table she sit there beginning to read.
Suddenly a loud echoing boom was heard through out the different cities. She looked out the window to see the blast of red flares from the sun. She sighed thinking of the many people who probably just died because they had no were to be inside.
Her eyes closed and soon came the dreams again. “Run away” she heard the voices screaming. “Hide yourself” she heard more frantic. Her dream no longer the inviting fields and hills, now were filled with the earth breaking the lava coming from the center of the earth people falling people dieng. So much death she thought as she was seemingly above them all. The earth cracked again the plates racking the earth with every quake that hit it.
She woke with tears on her cheeks. No sooner did she have this dream then the scientists showed up. She explained her dream with every excruciating detail as they wrote word for word what happened. Soon she was alone again and with her thoughts brought the horrid realization. She was there so long ago maybe not as herself but someone, someone now dead and gone from life due to it, possibly what would have been her family.
She shook her head and looked down at her shaking hands. She would figure this out if it killed her, she told herself. With her suit on she walked out knowing the cameras were fallowing her got on the fairy and before it docked jumped into the open nothing. Moving her way to the next isle. Cameras couldn’t track her as accurately as the scientists wished old cameras told the ones she was approaching, so getting off sooner she evaded them. Soon she hit the isle with a soft thud the science labs laying before her. She would figure this out.
A small girl, only the age of ten, walks along the dirt covered streets of her home town. Buildings, not so big in size, seem to tower over her small, frail body. She looked over the streets, left then right, her feet dragging on the dirt road, as she searched for food, shelter, and hope. She searched for anything that could get her by another day.
She came around a barren corner, only to find an elderly woman sitting on the ground. The woman’s eyes, unseen by the girl, were shrouded beneath a tattered old sun hat. She approached her tentatively; when she finally reached the woman she came to a startled realization. The woman had died here, her body cold and unmoving. The girl lifted the hat, only to see her grandmother’s open eyes staring back at her. Tears, hot and wet, streaked down her mud-stained face, she closed her grandmother’s eyes and said a small prayer of remembrance. She walked away, the ragged and worn hat upon her head.
She looked up to see the darkening sky, and then the so often tinge of pain filled her body. It had been three days since she had had a decent meal. She knocked on door after door, asking for shelter from the night. “Please” she heard her voice say, but for some reason it no longer felt like hers, it was as if she were looking in on her life instead of living it. Many responses she received, most unkind, vulgar and rude; though she understood the world in which she lives, inviting a stranger in was inviting death in as well.
“Please” she cried out loud, her voice filling the night air. She heard the distant rumble of cars as they drove up her dirt covered streets. Her face turned up to see the lights of white men’s cars. “Run, run, run, run!” her mind told her over, and over, unfortunately her body could not oblige; weak and fatigued she could only stand there waiting. Her body, dirty and cold finally gave out. She fell to the ground with a small thud, there was nothing left of her body, only skin and bones.
The white men rushed over to the fallen girl, the horrified looks on there faces were clear as they lifted the weightless body into the car. She was taken to a house, nothing she had ever dreamed of seeing, as she lay upon a bed of clouds. Prodding, pinching, and stinging filled her body as men came in and out of the room. They watched her as her hands glided over the soft cotton; they looked upon her in amazement as if she had actually done something. “Dead! She should be dead!,” she heard one man say, in a hushed but deep voice. Dead? She wondered the word seeming to wrap around her. “How are you feeling?” a gentle voice asked. “Feel?,” she questioned her voice soft and weak. She was not used to being asked how she felt. “I feel horrid,” she finally said after thinking it over.
Weak, she felt weak as her hand lay still beside her, but for once the pain, which usually filled her body, was not there. She smiled at the thought that she could get better here, and maybe have a life.
Many more weeks passed before she moved from her bed. Small steps at a time, her body relearned how to walk and move once more. “Your family,” she heard the same gentle voice say. “Where are they?,” he asked her. Her bright blue eyes turned to look at him, her eyes filled with a saddened look. “Family,” she said softly as if tumbling the word through her small lips. “No such thing,” she whispered.
Her mind turned back to her dead grandmother that she had seen in the dust ally. Her hands went to her head to feel the hat. When she felt only her hair she looked at the man. “My hat, my hat!” she said frantically. The man laughed, a below of a laugh, much bigger than the man himself. He pulled the tattered old hat of a dresser and handed it to her. She put it atop her head and looked back at him. “Why no family?,” he asked, curiosity inching into his so business-like tone. “You live in such a glamorous house, with so many great things” she started as her hands grazed the cotton sheets once more. “You either learn to live, or you don’t live long” she said softly, the sun hat covering her eyes. The man’s face seemed contorted, though she could not figure out if it was disgust or anger he was feeling. She closed her eyes holding back the tears; this had been her philosophy on life for many years, it seemed. “You will rest now” he said bluntly and left the room. Once more she was alone in her mind, with her thoughts and with her troubles.
She spent days sleeping, others eating, as her body slowly regained the strength it needed to do simple tasks within her life. She had lived here now over a year and a half, though her mind stilled wandered back to the dusty, dirt covered roads that were her original home. The man became her mentor, her friend, companion, and family as the time passed.
She sat down before him at the small table in the den as he pulled out small books and writing pens. He taught her to read, write and to do math. Today her assignment was to write how she felt. And so she began to write. She wrote for an hour straight as the words rolled out of her head onto the clean white paper. She finished and looked up at him. He took the paper and began to read. “Why do you want to go back?” he asked the young girl that sat beside him.
She stood and turned to face him, she looked straight into his eyes. Her crystal blue eyes betrayed her simple face with looks of anger and sorrow. “You saved me; for that I am very grateful. Though did you ever stop and think about others there, too. I knew many friends, I watched many die as I would have that night. They all haunt my dreams. You, sir, do not understand.” She whispered this last part as she waited for a response. “I will help” he said finally.
She looked back at him, a huge smile played on her lips and in her eyes. “I want to teach them, bring them food, everything we can do to help, not just one but many.” She said happily. She took out a clean piece of paper as they started listing the necessities of what they would need. The final list was 5 pages long, filled with medicines, books, school supply and food. She smiled again looking up at him and he smiled back, a plain simple smile but it made her even happier.
They drove down the small dusty dirt roads into the heart of the village. Trucks upon trucks followed the small car she was in. She saw the familiar dreary faces come from their homes. She got out of the car, and climbed into the top of one of the trucks looking around at all the people as she felt the hot sting of tears in her eyes. She would make a difference today.
“In a day of need, we are answered, after years of despair, death and famine, we are brought together. Today we will establish something new, better, and create a fresh start for everyone. Here and now we can overcome our past hardships if we stand together as one.” She paused looking at the faces of her fellow people, when a great cheer and applaud started. She smiled, tears falling down her face. She whispered to herself. “Together we will over come.”